crankpunk to take up triathlon… but could i pull off a belly top and speedos?

INDEED just WHAT has the WORLD COME TO?

i woke up this morning with the strangest desire careening around my loins, stranger than that time i almost got arrested for taking single bites out of a a good 7 or 8 dried sea sponges all those years ago in Boots pharmacy on Norwich High Street.

yes, it is – turn away now if you are squeamish – THE DESIRE TO DO A TRIATHLON.

my head is so full of questions.

1. can i get treatment for this? is electrotherapy a real option still these days or would it be easier if i just black up and walk up to an American cop?

2. do Speedo still make speedos, or have they been banned by the Obama government? #obamabansspeedoscosheisaterrorist

obama-shock

speedo

obama-crying1

3. will i have to unlearn the art of cornering, braking, going uphill and riding in a bunch of more than one?

4. will i really lose all of my friends?

5. where can i buy a brick?

brick

6. will i have to tape 55 assorted gels on my top tube every time i ride? even to the shop? is it REALLY more aero than a friggin’ pocket?

2011_09_11_Winning_Rides_Vegas_70_3_3

7. is it true that i’ll have to wear the bellytop/speedo/compression sock combo uniform at ALL TIMES even whilst sleeping?

Screen Shot 2014-11-19 at 13.00.39
he was later DQd for not wearing compression socks

8. can i really get my number burned into my skin? #trinumberburntintoskinisCOOL

9. do i really have to wear iridium glasses with the iridium on the inside too?

10. will i really have to lose my sense of humor?

…so many, many questions…

6 thoughts on “crankpunk to take up triathlon… but could i pull off a belly top and speedos?

  1. Nice analyze. But I reckon you will have to learn to say hello while riding , that TT bike are indeed much faster , Brick can’t swim , pack riding ain’t cool , cap below the helmets ain’t cool , and that there is no prize money for the fastest bike split. Ah did someone told you that you may need to run time to time and that like wolf under a full moon you might want to gather mid October in the middle of the pacific. Enjoy 🙂

    1. hahaha nice reply arno. fortunately i am a friendly cyclist, though i’ve never ridden a TT bike, i do in fact swim like a brick, i spend most of my time off the back of the pack anyway, don’t like to wear a cap and never win a sprint.

      phew.

      i can run if there’s a beer waiting for me at the end and i reckon that a wolf in the Pacific might sink, so i’ll just wear those kiddie arm float things. sorted 😉

      see you in the speedo section at the sport store..

  2. You have to go with Budgey Smugglers rather than Speedo’s! Faris is one of the few guys left that rock the speedo old school – if you are doing your first tri it should be required! An Ironman isn’t that hard … just a really long day that is catered … what more could you want?

    Love the Savageman clip … and to think that you got a brick for finishing that climb without touching down!

    Do it do it do it …. completing a long course triathlon will really help you appreciate bike racing … it is a weird experience. This from someone who has done 4 IM’s, 8 Halfs and numerous other things …. you will only regret it if you drown and then, well, will you really feel regret???

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