INDEED just WHAT has the WORLD COME TO?
i woke up this morning with the strangest desire careening around my loins, stranger than that time i almost got arrested for taking single bites out of a a good 7 or 8 dried sea sponges all those years ago in Boots pharmacy on Norwich High Street.
yes, it is – turn away now if you are squeamish – THE DESIRE TO DO A TRIATHLON.
my head is so full of questions.
1. can i get treatment for this? is electrotherapy a real option still these days or would it be easier if i just black up and walk up to an American cop?
2. do Speedo still make speedos, or have they been banned by the Obama government? #obamabansspeedoscosheisaterrorist
3. will i have to unlearn the art of cornering, braking, going uphill and riding in a bunch of more than one?
4. will i really lose all of my friends?
5. where can i buy a brick?
6. will i have to tape 55 assorted gels on my top tube every time i ride? even to the shop? is it REALLY more aero than a friggin’ pocket?
7. is it true that i’ll have to wear the bellytop/speedo/compression sock combo uniform at ALL TIMES even whilst sleeping?
8. can i really get my number burned into my skin? #trinumberburntintoskinisCOOL
9. do i really have to wear iridium glasses with the iridium on the inside too?
10. will i really have to lose my sense of humor?
…so many, many questions…