Xenton Prio Road Bike Review, by Farsell Burst

Tired of reading fawning, sycophantic bike reviews that seem to have been written more in fear of losing advertising revenue than anything else? Fear not! Mr. Burst tells it like it IS…

The Xention Prio, by Farsell Burst

First of all let me say that this is THE GREATEST road racing bike of all time. It’s so great in fact that it is JUST AS GREAT as all the other bikes I’ve ever reviewed, but it is NO GREATER than the one I’m gonna review next month, because it is in fact JUST AS GREAT as that one too.

This cutting edge piece of carbon has been made much like all the other frames out there and rides much like much of all the other frames out there and is really good.

It has wheels and they are quite round, a major technological advancement, I’m sure you would agree. And the whole thing is stiff and compliant and generally – except for a few sneaky moments – complies with the laws of physics.

Gravity? This bike agrees with gravity, you can be sure about that. Thank the Xenton engineers and their patented ‘Gravity-Compliant Bi-lateral Parallel Seat Stay Thing’ for that one. This isn’t just marketing jizz because there’s a sticker on the bike that says it, so it is absolutely real.

I really like the painjob too. It looks like paint and it adheres very well to the frame. The decals are top-notch and flush to the carbon, which BLEW ME AWAY. I tried to peel them off but I couldn’t, because – get this, you aero freaks out there – they are under the paint.

How do they do it? Who knows!

On downhills the bike goes down, and on uphills it goes up. I tried to make it go sideways but it wouldn’t, which some may find limiting in a road bike costing $18,000, but I found that most agreeable, and I am not easily pleased.

I was pleased with the rubber on the tires too, because it was black and rubbery. That pleased me a lot.

The  bike comes with ‘bar tape’ which also BLEW ME AWAY because it was actually tape and it was on the bars. Some very clever name-thinking-up went on at Xenton before they rolled this puppy out.

At the end of the week, I just didn’t want to give it back.

In any case I actually couldn’t, because I came all over it.

It is that sexy.

So all in all, this bike is THE GREATEST BIKE EVER.

Just like every other bike I’ve ever reviewed.

But it isn’t without it’s faults. Because generally it’s a piece of crap. Because, erm, – well… I though the seatpost was a little too straight…maybe? But hey, who am I to grumble.

After all, I do get paid to write generic waffle that no one in their right mind could possible ever mistake for a real review.

Til next time chumps buddies!

Farsell Burst

Marketing Manager at Felt, Cannondale, Colnago, Scott, Trek et cetera et cetera and on and on and on…

The Xenton Prio. It's a crap bike.
The Xenton Prio. It’s a crap bike.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s