david george, chumpion

you know the guy (ok neither did i), he was on LA’s team in the ’99-2000 season with US Dopal Postal, where he really learnt to suck it up – EPO from the vial, that is. in day-old news (one thing crankpunk can promise is that absolutely nothing you find here will ever be fresh, we wouldn’t want to spoil you), it seems that the 36-year old GeorgeyBoy tested positive for the drug that bestows upon its adherents lengthy careers, wealth, victories, country-pop crossover singers, smug and imminently punchable smiles and, ultimately, comeuppance in the shape of Travis Tygart.

 

“I returned an out of competition positive test for Erythropoietin (EPO),’ muttered George from under his police-issue blanket. “I will not be asking for a B sample to be tested as I know the result will ultimately be the same. This decision will be communicated to Cycling South Africa (CSA) and Drug Free Sport shortly and according to protocol,” George continued.

“I fully understand the consequences of my admission and will bear the results of this,” George said. “So far,” he really should have said, “i have actually been bearing the results of this for several years as i’ve been eking out a living as a pro rider, had kids look up to me and simultaneously been taking jobs from other riders, some of whom may actually have been clean. what is truly woeful of course is that, despite being a doper i’ve really been pretty mediocre my whole career. the Tour de Langkawi isn’t actually that hard to win when you’re well-juiced,” he really, really should have said.

“finally, i’d like to recant all i just didn’t say and say that i’ve only been on EPO for a year, erm i mean once, just before i got busted, and please excuse me as i’m off to do some MTB race in Colorado with LA, they’ll take anyone!”

if only all the ‘repentant’ dopers were so honest….

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